wedding, ready to go!

I can breathe a easy, I have bought my wedding dress. Me entering the dress shop: "OOOO, this is way too wedding-y for me...." Sarah: "Just try some on." Jack was screaming (my nephew) and I was totally with him in conspiring to get us out of there!
No, I suppose it wasn't that bad in the end. I picked out 1 dress to try on, my sister picked out 3, and I loved the second one I had on. DONE! No veil, no "headpiece" (which we all know to be a crown!), no lace, but I do actually have some beading on a sash, which is deep red and looks very striking.
My sister actually took longer trying to figure out the dress she was going to get and what size, as she will be very pregnant at the wedding. I was good to go, and so was Jack.
Anyways we also got the shoes, the next day, and now I just have to get it taken up and I am good to show up and say "I do." And that will be the very best part!

Celebrating the "weekend warrior"

I think I am finally getting it. It has taken me a long while to fully appreciate the monacker "weekend warrior", to realise, accept and finally embrace that title.

Ever since I started triathlon I wanted to race in the "elite" category. There was something so alluring and prestigious. But the words of my first triathlon coach (infamous Rick Hellard) still ring in my ears: "It's just another category, it may mean you get to start a bit earlier." But afterall it's the same course, the same race...

But of course I wasn't listening, and so my goal became to race in the elite category (well the Ontario elite category ...) So I got focused, raced a lot for a couple seasons, did alright in local ones, had a couple decent times and then applied to the Ontario governing body and was granted that "elite" card. I can remember the email that was sent to me, I almost cried: "We are pleased to offer you a provincial elite card." Wow! I had made it! Now let me clarify. I knew that in terms of elite women, I was still in the bottom, but to quote a friend: "You don't need to be the creme de la creme, you just need to be in the creme."

In Ottawa, there were no racs that had any elite category, but when I did a Subaru race, or when I went over to the Quebec side I could enter as an "elite" and I'm not going to lie, I did feel pretty special! Also I could race for prize money (which was always way better in Quebec - you could race a sprint and come away with a couple hundred bucks, not bad for an hours worth of work!) Anyways I never had any spectacular results, I always did ok. Muskoka was always a big deal for me, and still remains my favourite race, but for the 3 times I raced as an elite (5 times in total) my best performance was third place for the women (which made me $1000!). Other than Muskoka, I raced a couple pan american cups as an elite, well just two, and both times I finished middle pack... so much work and stress in my life, trying to hold a full time teaching job and race against these top top women. If I'm honest I always felt a little bitterness and resentment: "What am I doing trying to compete with these girls who train full time?"

But the start (or maybe it was more like the culmination) of my disillusion with triathlon, as it had been a long time coming, was Ironman Canada...

I had struggled with the constant pressure to try an Ironman. I would always get: "So you do triathlon eh? Have you done the Ironman?" And what would follow would always be trying to explain that racing shorter distances is just as demanding, but in a different way, then I would hear: "Oh, well my neighbour did the Ironman. He is so crazy, he trains so hard, and is so dedicated!" It didn't matter, it seemed that if you hadn't done an Ironman, you could get no respect! So one year (2007?) I set myself that goal, I needed a new exciting goal anyways, as I was getting bored.

So my plan was to sign up and race in my age category, as I did have much respect for that distance. But I tried to sign up for Muskoka (the qualifying race) in my age category, they said I couldn't switch back like that. Because I had raced elite in the past I had to continue, and they put me in contact with Heather Fuhr, the "pro" contact for Ironman, and she said I could enter as a "pro"... and for free...! Well who could say no? I wasn't that excited and very nervous to debut in the Ironman distance as a pro, as I had no idea what it was all about. In retrospect,(after having met Colin) I trained all wrong, and then had a terrible race. Well I shouldn't say too terrible, my swim and bike were alright, but I did end up walking half of the marathon and stopping every mile at the aid stations and port-o-potties. The whole time thinking: "What a F%$#ing stupid race!!"

Eleven and a half hours later, I had completed my first Ironman, was like 17th out of 20 pro women, but I think the others DNFed, and I was sick and tired and hating triathlon. I wanted more from life than training and racing and being so singularly focused on one thing. There were other things I wanted to donate time to ... art, try some music, just got out in the evening and not be thinking about the training next day...!

All that year of training, just wasted, wasted. I was also sick of other things in life, namely my teaching position, I desperately needed a change. So I quit it all, moved out to Vancouver, and was determined to start a new life! A life without triathlon, doing other things....

Well that lasted for about 3 months. I was super down about triathlon, but was really missing that goal to strive for, focus on, so I joined a running group. VFAC and I just ran, dropped the swim and bike. It's amazing what benefit you gain from just doing one sport instead of three. I had ealier in the year, in Ottawa ran a good marathon, slipping in just under 3 hours (2:59) so I was excited to try my hand at getting even faster in the marathon distance. I had some good races, but I was training like double the mileage I had done in the past, and so it was a perfect recipe for an injury. Before I even got to the marathon I had a bad hamstring/ butt/ leg problem (which I am still dealing with) and I ran a (disappointing) 3:03. So I had to stop, I could barely bend over at all, my leg was screwed.

So I took another stint at "quitting" all the training and racing, but I had to find something to fill that huge gap.... I got heavy into the yoga, got back into playing my university sport water polo, and did a bunch of other things, art courses, playing piano. I had a hard year, hard on the body, hard on the spirit, but I tend to see a connection in those usually... I had quit my "good" teaching job in Ottawa, went to being a nanny, I had a terrible break up, and now I had lost my sport identity. It was hard, but it was the best growth period of my life, I learned a lot about myself, and struggled with how to be "happy", how feel comfortable in my own skin, and general acceptance of who I am.

But from the ashes rises the Pheonix. I stuck it out in what was at times a very lonely, yet very freeing city, with very few friends, no family, and a pretty crappy job... So after a year, things started to pick up. I got myself another teaching job, I had resgned to the idea that I would never run or race competitively (still no improvement after a year of every sort of therapy/ treatment with no results), and I was loving my single life in my little apartment, feeling quite proud of starting my whole life over again.

Then after another year of realy enjoying life, I met Colin. And it has made all the difference, for the better. I truly believe that people who are "buzzing" at the same frequency will attract each other. And he perfectly embodies my sentiments about what it means to live a balanced life. Now, I realise that to many, it may seem that our lives are not balanced, but for people who love to compete and love to live a heavily active life, we are.

I remember on our first date, when I was still anti-triathlon and racing, I asked him: "So, on a scale of 1 - 10, how into triathlon are you?" I didn't want to get involved with some who was on that singularly focused life. Hah! He told a little white lie, and said "Not that much..." double Hah!

Anyways, he has slowly got me back into the training and the racing, but somehow this time around it is all so much more fun and enjoyable. I think there are a lot of factors there, I am more mature, I finally love and accept my profession (teaching is tough one to get into.. it typically takes 5 years to fully adjust to the demands of the profession, there is a quiting rate of about 50% in the first 5 years) I am also joined by a man who has a very laid back approach, if that's even possible in triathlon...!

ALL THAT TO SAY... that I am now a fully committed being a "weekend warrior", I no longer strive to be in that elite category, it just doesn't mean that much to me anymore, I feel so proud to say that I work a full time job, a job that truly makes me feel that I make a differece, I no longer resent that I have to work, while others just get train, no longer have any delusions of being better than I really am (that's not to say that I think I'm chop-liver), but I know my place and my limits.

I am seriously limited by energy. I feel that you only have so much energy/ spirit when you start out the day, or the week, or the month, the year, and if you spend most of your day giving your energy to 30 kids in your classroom, there will only be so much left over. I am not able to train after school, and I have accepted that, I am too zapped. I can only get up early and go for that run or swim and then there's the weekend. Last week I was able to put in 8 hours, and even that felt like I had no down-time, no free time.

But I am alright with that, and really proud at my performances that come from being a weekend warrior. And I marvel at the people who have kids, full time jobs and still are able to train and race! Those are the real heroes! And someday soon (not too soon...!) I hope to be able to take a crack at that.



This past summer, after pickin up training after a year, in March, I did alright... AGE GROUP National Champ...



Fastest Female Bike Split of the day... all races....no drafting...



Not the fastest run, but without much run training, absolutely no intensity, still a big smile at the finish - a PR of 2:09.

Me lately...

Sunday skiing...

GUESS WHAT?

I am getting married to the most wonderful man!

Yesterday Colin and I went skiing.... xcountry up at Cypress and yes it was bad snow, brown, slushie and patches of grass poking through, and since I am already a terrible skiier, it was worse. My skis were sticking and I had to penguin walk up most of the hills ... although I would have had to do that even if it were perfect conditions.....
Anyways, I was feeling a bit sick, and wasn't even sure if I would make it to the top... Colin was saying "We have to get the top, I brought my camera so we could take pictures, it's the last day Cypress is open." I was thinking: "It's foggy, and we NEVER ski together..." (He always just goes off and does his own thing, I'm far too slow for him, I'd rather suffer by myself than have someone witness how bad I am on skis!) But he kept on waiting for me (I guess to make sure I wouldn't just bail).
Then at the top, which isn't much of a top, just a small clearing where the path ends, he got down pretending to get out the camera but he pulled out a small silver bell-shaped box.... and I said YES! Of course! Was there ever any doubt? I was totally surprised.

So all day today I have been just kinda day-dreaming, and every now and then I forget, then I remember and I get all happy all over again!

Meeting Colin has really changed my life, obviously for the better, he makes so happy, and I hope I do the same for him. It's crazy how much easier an relationship is when you find your soulmate. I know that sounds so cheesy, but he is truly my dreamboat! I am crazy about him, and I have been since we met, but what's great is that I am still the same amount of crazy for him... and probably more every day.

Now to plan a wedding.. a very small almost non-wedding wedding....

....And of course what girl's proposal tale wouldn't include a picture of the ring.....